Followers. If you’re on social media, you most likely have them. Maybe you just started and you don’t have as many as you would like to. Or maybe you’re like me in my first year of using Twitter and you’re just not gaining many followers.
See, I’ve never really been “popular,” neither on social media nor in person. And it’s something that has discouraged me for as long as social media has existed. I would wonder why people weren’t following me.
Am I not pretty enough?
Do I not say important enough things?
Am I not influential enough?
These things bothered me for years. Sometimes I would go a whole day wondering what was wrong with me just because I didn’t have a certain number of Twitter or Instagram followers. It really got to me, probably more than it should have.
Until one day, I just stopped caring. This lasted a while actually. And the crazy thing is that was when people decided they wanted to start hitting that follow button. And it was cool and all, but I didn’t even care!
Then one day, out of nowhere, the caring started back again. Ugh.
It was at the beginning of this year actually, and I had started following regular people like me, who somehow had a ton of followers. And they all knew each other and were connecting with each other. It was as if they were all bonding over their followers count (which is probably not true). But for some reason, it really irked me. I just felt super left out. Those same questions I had months/years ago started flooding back into my mind and for the life of me, I could not get those thoughts out.
But I’ve learned that sometimes I just have to take a step back and live a little, aka get off of social media for a day or two and rest my brain from all the pressure (this has definitely helped, and I encourage you to try it sometime).
God has been working on me a lot lately, trying to teach me that until I find my worth in something other than how many followers I have, that until I find my worth in Him, I can never be satisfied. And I’ll always feel unqualified. It’s a confidence thing, ya know?!
And if you’ve been reading my blog here for a while, you know confidence (or the lack of it) is something I seriously struggle with.
But God has also been teaching me to just let go and be who He made me to be: brave and confident in Him. I’ve also been learning to be more free with myself. I honestly can’t say many people know what I’m really like except my family and a few of my friends. It’s because I’ve been so closed-off and afraid of rejection. So I’ll guess I’ll tell you a bit about what I’m really like:
I’m super goofy (I’m also pretty shady, but in a nice way!).
I love laughing and finding a joke out of anything.
And while we’re sharing secrets, I think I’m absolutely hilarious. I’ll literally sit around and laugh at myself and the things I say in my head. I’m funny like that, ya know.
Something else God recently spoke to my heart is this: it will never be enough. We’ll always want more: more friends, more followers, more everything. Then once we get what we “wanted,” we’ll wish we had less. We’ll wish that we didn’t have so much influence. We’ll wish we could just get back to our regular lives. An example that came to mind was Kim Kardashian. She has millions of followers, an entourage, and everything else she could ever want, but I have no doubt that she wishes she had more privacy. That her life wasn’t out on display for the whole world to see.
It will never be enough, friends. Until we find our worth in Christ alone, none of this will ever be worth it. So ask God to free your heart and make you see what really matters in life. Not the amount of likes you get or how many followers or friends you have. Find what really matters: Him.
Idk if this blog made any sense, but if it did touch your heart, let me know.
P.S. I’m working on a new blog/website, that’s why the picture says “always, Itunu.” More to come soon!
Till next time,