It Will Never Be Enough

Followers. If you’re on social media, you most likely have them. Maybe you just started and you don’t have as many as you would like to. Or maybe you’re like me in my first year of using Twitter and you’re just not gaining many followers.

See, I’ve never really been “popular,” neither on social media nor in person. And it’s something that has discouraged me for as long as social media has existed. I would wonder why people weren’t following me.

Am I not pretty enough?

Do I not say important enough things?

Am I not influential enough?

These things bothered me for years. Sometimes I would go a whole day wondering what was wrong with me just because I didn’t have a certain number of Twitter or Instagram followers. It really got to me, probably more than it should have. 

Until one day, I just stopped caring. This lasted a while actually. And the crazy thing is that was when people decided they wanted to start hitting that follow button. And it was cool and all, but I didn’t even care!

Then one day, out of nowhere, the caring started back again. Ugh.

It was at the beginning of this year actually, and I had started following regular people like me, who somehow had a ton of followers. And they all knew each other and were connecting with each other. It was as if they were all bonding over their followers count (which is probably not true). But for some reason, it really irked me. I just felt super left out. Those same questions I had months/years ago started flooding back into my mind and for the life of me, I could not get those thoughts out.

But I’ve learned that sometimes I just have to take a step back and live a little, aka get off of social media for a day or two and rest my brain from all the pressure (this has definitely helped, and I encourage you to try it sometime).

God has been working on me a lot lately, trying to teach me that until I find my worth in something other than how many followers I have, that until I find my worth in Him, I can never be satisfied. And I’ll always feel unqualified. It’s a confidence thing, ya know?! 

And if you’ve been reading my blog here for a while, you know confidence (or the lack of it) is something I seriously struggle with.

But God has also been teaching me to just let go and be who He made me to be: brave and confident in Him. I’ve also been learning to be more free with myself. I honestly can’t say many people know what I’m really like except my family and a few of my friends. It’s because I’ve been so closed-off and afraid of rejection. So I’ll guess I’ll tell you a bit about what I’m really like:

I’m super goofy (I’m also pretty shady, but in a nice way!). 

I love laughing and finding a joke out of anything. 

And while we’re sharing secrets, I think I’m absolutely hilarious. I’ll literally sit around and laugh at myself and the things I say in my head. I’m funny like that, ya know.


Something else God recently spoke to my heart is this: it will never be enough. We’ll always want more: more friends, more followers, more everything. Then once we get what we “wanted,” we’ll wish we had less. We’ll wish that we didn’t have so much influence. We’ll wish we could just get back to our regular lives. An example that came to mind was Kim Kardashian. She has millions of followers, an entourage, and everything else she could ever want, but I have no doubt that she wishes she had more privacy. That her life wasn’t out on display for the whole world to see.

It will never be enough, friends. Until we find our worth in Christ alone, none of this will ever be worth it. So ask God to free your heart and make you see what really matters in life. Not the amount of likes you get or how many followers or friends you have. Find what really matters: Him.

Idk if this blog made any sense, but if it did touch your heart, let me know.

P.S. I’m working on a new blog/website, that’s why the picture says “always, Itunu.” More to come soon!

Till next time,

Change

So, I think it’s time we address the elephant in the room.

“What elephant?” You may be asking.

Well, if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ve probably noticed a pretty big difference between the posts I used to write, compared to the post I write now. If you’re new to my blog, I used to write about fashion and lifestyle.

I think this was my last “fashion and lifestyle post” before I made the switch to what I now write about on here.

It was weird honestly. It was as if I was trying so hard to be like all the other college bloggers out there, but God was like, “just be who I’ve called you to be.”

Step 1 of “just being” equaled changing up my blog. It was pretty amazing, if you ask me. I would just open up the Notes app on my phone and start writing stories about my life experiences and how God came through. And a few minutes later, I would have a post. This happened multiple times a week, until I was completely ahead of the game, with almost a dozen posts I have yet to publish! (I hardly ever have posts lined up!) All I can say is, it was most definitely a “God-thing.”

But I wondered how I would be able to consistently come up with blog post based on my experiences in life. But then God showed me something pretty profound (okay, it’s kinda simple and a no-brainer, but it was profound to me): as long as I’m living, I’ll have a story to tell 🙂

Of course it was strange changing my blog so quickly and nonchalantly. Of course, I liked writing about fashion and lifestyle. I mean, my dream job is to work in the fashion and-or beauty industry! 

But I just felt something different writing about the things God was calling to me to write about at this moment in my life. I felt peaceful.

I know it was probably weird for you too: going from reading fashion and lifestyle posts, to stumbling upon a bunch of Jesus-y posts.

All on the same blog. All in a matter of a few weeks! I don’t blame you if you were a little freaked out. Maybe slightly annoyed even. I’m sorry if you wanted the fashion, lifestyle, and college posts. But like I said before, I believe what I’m writing about on my blog now is God-ordained. Some people are called to write about what I used to write about, and that’s great! I can even point you to those blogs if you’re not exactly digging mine right now.

But the thing is, I love what my blog is changing into. I love what God is doing through me and my blog, and I can’t wait to see what more He has in store for it. So stay tuned, friends!

In other news: My last day of school was on Monday (weird, I know. Our finals schedule was pretty jacked up this semester), and I’m back home for the summer! And… I’m officially a rising college senior!! Whoop! I’ll probably only be posting once a week, but hopefully it’ll always be on a set day. Unlike how it’s been for the past few weeks…

And while we’re talking about change, I’m thinking about switching my blog to wordpress.com or weebly.com. While wordpress.org has been pretty cool, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to have a domain that I’m paying for right now. Let me know what you think!! Also, when do you get out of school? Leave a comment telling me!

Till next time,

On My Playlist | May 2017

Hi!!

I hope you’re having a great week so far!

I’m currently going through that “wonderful” week called finals week (in a way, it is wonderful, because it means summer break starts next week!), so instead of having a super deep talk like usual, I thought I would just share some songs (other than Ed Sheeran songs, lol) that have been on repeat recently!

Do It Again – Elevation Worship

You Never Let Go – Bryan and Katie Torwalt

A God Like You – Kirk Franklin

Resurrecting – Elevation Worship

Spirit Move – Kalley Heiligenthal

Mercy – Amanda Cook

Intentional – Travis Greene

Furious – Bethel Live ft. Jeremy Riddle

You Paid It All – Wess Morgan

Set My Heart – Vertical Church Band

There Is A Cloud – Elevation Worship

Tell me which ones you listened to!! Also, let me know what other songs you’ve been listening to lately!!

Till next time,

Not Enough?

Something I find myself doing often is trying to get ahead of others, as if I’m trying to prove to them (and myself) that I’m worth something.

Doing this usually leaves me feeling overwhelmed, bitter, and one of the phrases I hate the most: “not enough.”

My Dad sent me a video a few days ago, and not only did he send it at just the right moment, it also really helped me to put things in perspective. Basically it compared 2 people, but not in the bad way. The video explained how one person could become a  CEO at 25, then die at 50. And how someone else could become a CEO at 50, and live on to 90. The video had a few other examples like this, and it was a real epiphany for me.

God has a place for everyone. Maybe we feel ahead of the game, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. Maybe we feel behind; that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

This really opened my eyes, because as someone who constantly feels behind in life, it gets frustrating and overwhelming, trying to “catch up.” But the thing is, I’m not “behind” to God. And neither are you. And we don’t need to try to “catch up” with anyone. We’re right where God wants us to be. And that’s really all that matters 🙂

And get this: you are enough, friend.

Let the Striving Cease

These are lyrics from a song called “Heroes” by Amanda Cook.

When I first heard these specific lyrics, “let the striving cease,” I was pretty puzzled. Aren’t we supposed to be striving? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? I wondered about it, but continued to listen to it over and over; and even recently, more than a year after hearing that song, I still wondered what exactly that verse meant.

It wasn’t until two weekends ago that I was hit with more than one round of what seemed like disapproval from a certain group of people, a group of people that I wouldn’t expect disapproval from.

And that’s what made it hurt the most.

I was terrified to go anywhere near these people, but I had to. I had been getting nervous around these people since my freshman year and in turn, I missed out on a community of people, who I thought were judging me, but who probably weren’t doing that at all. I would try and try and try. But nothing.

Then that verse in the song came to my mind. Let the striving cease.

And I realized that I’ve been trying too hard. I’ve been way too concerned about what other people think about me and not enough about what God thinks about me.

I’ll admit, I’m super duper insecure. It’s something I’m trying to get over. But one of the “side effects” of insecurity is wanting to please everyone and wanting to be liked by everyone and doing absolutely everything to make both of those things happen.

Well, I’m not doing that anymore. 

It’s done nothing but make me feel even more insecure. And I can’t afford to be an insecure people-pleasing nervous wreck for any longer. For goodness sake, I have a God to please.

So, I want to encourage you to stop striving. Stop striving at that job where you feel like everyone’s better than you. Stop striving to get ahead of that super smart kid in your class. Stop striving to look like that girl on Instagram. Stop it.

Rest in God’s love for you. God sees you. He knows you. And He loves you. He thinks highly of you, so you ought to start thinking highly of yourself too. And the thing is, when we stop striving, everything changes. When I stopped being so insecure about what people thought of me, that’s when I saw them in a new light. Maybe they weren’t judging me. Maybe I was just being too insecure.

And just remember that nothing and no one else matters more than God, so stop living/striving for others and start living for God.

by His wounds

“The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. They said, “He saved others; let Him save Himself if He is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”

Luke 23:35

He would if He could. But He couldn’t.

During the crucifixion of Jesus, the rulers tried to get Jesus to prove that He was really the Messiah by telling Him to save Himself. But the thing was, Jesus couldn’t do that. If He did that, then we could never be saved. And Jesus loves us way too much to give us up. So instead, He gave Himself up, perfectly man, perfectly God. He gave Himself up for us.

Of course reading about the death of Jesus makes me emotional. But as crazy as it sounds, the story on Palm Sunday gets me even more. It’s probably one of the saddest foreshadows in my opinion. These people are standing there, waving palms at Jesus, worshiping Him. Then less than a week later, He is found hanging on the cross. It honestly gets to me.

But, I’m here to remind you of Jesus’ sacrifice for you and me. He loves us so so so much. He couldn’t simply “save Himself” from the cross. And although it was the worst moment in history, we should be happy and grateful that He did it. Because by His wounds, we are healed. We are free! All because of Jesus, our Friend and Savior.

“But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on Him, and by His wounds we are healed.”

Isaiah 53:5

As You Are

No Makeup Mondays. Chipped Nail Polish Tuesdays. I’ll Wear My Sweats When I Want To Wednesdays. Bad Hair, Don’t Care Thursdays.

I made half of these up, but do you notice a pattern here? They’re all things that us girls really don’t like to do. That’s why we wear the shades on Mondays, the gloves (if it’s cold) on Tuesdays, the “cute sweats” on Wednesdays, and the “Bad Hair Day” hats on Thursdays.

We try to cover up our flaws.

If you read my last post, you know that I’ve never really been fond of my hair. Well, instead of the hat, I put on the weave: braids, extensions, crochet. Anything that will hide my natural hair. I’m not saying this is bad. And I’m not saying makeup is bad or nail polish is bad or dressing up, or having nice hair. They’re all good things.

But it becomes a bad thing when we’re so used to using these “cover ups,” that we’re not confident when we don’t have them. I love when girls take selfies of themselves without makeup on. It’s so empowering and encouraging because they’re being vulnerable and showing their “flaws.”

And besides, this is how God made us, isn’t it?

God doesn’t care about all the makeup we put on, or don’t put on. He doesn’t care about any of that. He accepts us just as we are.

And that should be your driving force.

So next time you don’t feel like wearing makeup, don’t wear it. Give your nails a rest from nail polish when you want to. If you don’t feel like dressing up, a day wearing sweats won’t hurt! Embrace your natural hair every now and then. Who cares what other people think. God approves of you just the way you are <3

What’s something you try to cover up? Let me know, and we can embrace our flaws together!

If Only I Had That…

As I stood at the bus stop this windy morning, I heard a phrase similar to the title of this post.

“I would be fine, if this wind stopped blowing.”

I’m not exposing this person or anything (I don’t even know the person who said it!). And besides, aren’t we all guilty of saying these phrases?

“If only I had more money.”

“If only I had more curves.”

“If only I was smarter.”

“If only I had more friends.”

“If only I had pretty hair and a flawless face.” (alert, alert: NO ONE has a flawless face)

And the list goes on…

We’re often discontent with the circumstance we’re in, whatever that may be. And we often have the belief that if this one thing changed, my entire life would be better.

Well, that’s completely and utterly wrong.

We all have problems. We all have things about ourselves we wish we could change. For me, it’s my frizzy, natural hair, my odd-shaped legs, and my humongous feet.

The truth is, there are some things in life we can’t change. But the other thing is, why would we wanna change our flaws? God created us with those flaws. God created me with frizzy hair (or, maybe I’m not taking enough care of it…🤔) and big feet (hehe, Big Foot). There’s really nothing wrong with my legs, so idk what my problem is.

And that’s the thing! We often obsessed over a certain thing about us that we “don’t like” when really, there’s absolutely wrong with us.

And I know exactly why we do that. One word: comparison. We look at what other people look like, or what other people have.

“I don’t have that many friends.”

“I don’t have a thigh gap.”

“I don’t have long, shiny hair.”

“I don’t look like that.”

And with this, we make ourselves feel smaller and smaller and smaller.

But we can’t allow ourselves to do this anymore. Comparison will come (that’s the power of social media, friends), but our thing shouldn’t be to see what everyone else has and what we don’t have. Because really, you don’t know what everyone else doesn’t have. People don’t typically post about what they don’t have. A girl with a ton of clothes and shoes may have parents who are too busy for her. Another girl with a thigh gap might be struggling with anorexia. You can’t compare because, ultimately, you don’t know what people are going through.

And everyone’s going through something.

So, I just thought I would encourage you to be fearlessly you. Because you were, in fact fearfully and wonderfully made by a Creator who loves you so so so much. So stay encouraged. Be yourself. And don’t forget to count your blessings 🙂

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Christ Who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:12-13

Till next time,

April Goals

Goals are a good thing to have. Well other than the #relationshipgoals you see on social media that in fact aren’t relationship goals (or at least they shouldn’t be).

But that’s aside from the point. I haven’t had monthly goals in a while, and today I was reading a blog post of Fearfully Fashioned where Janelle explained how she sits down at the end of each month to look over her goals for that month and make new ones for the following month.

And I thought it would be a good idea to share my April goals with you, like Janelle does with her readers! And plus, if I share them with you guys, then I’ll have some accountability pals, right?

And of course, I wanna know some of your April goals, so I can keep you guys accountable too, so feel free to share in the comments!!

– be more positive (& quit complaining!): this is something I struggle with (among tons of other things). But I realized that I complain a lot more than I should as a Christian. I didn’t realize how annoying it was until I was on the receiving end of someone who complains about literally everything. I would like to think it just rubbed off on me and that that’s the reason I complain so much. But I’ve gotta take responsibility for my actions, ya know? And not gonna lie, I’ve noticed a decrease in how much I complain, but I would still like for it to be less. Which leads to my next goal.

– thank God more often: because ultimately, thanking God helps you to be more positive.

– work towards the things God has called me to: I often try to copy what everyone else is doing in the hopes that I can accomplish the same thing. Well, it’s time for me to stop that and focus on what God wants me specifically to do.

– show grace and mercy and kindness towards others: I’m taking the 5 Days to A Kinder You Challenge to help me!

– stop looking at other people’s’ lives and comparing them to mine: social media, tsk tsk. I have to continuously get off of social media in order to help myself.

– continue to not procrastinate: I’ve actually been doing well with this in the past month and I hope to continue to not procrastinate 🙂

– appreciate the people God has placed in my life: I like deep relationships. I love that I can talk to my Mom and sometimes my Dad (lol), my sisters, and I have a couple of friends that I can get real with; but other than that (& God, of course), I don’t have that much encouragement. This was my thought process for a long time; but I’ve learned that everyone who’s in my life right now is here for a reason and these are the people I need right now. So, while I definitely appreciate my family, I’m trying to appreciate my friends more (because they’re honestly so fun!) and while I do hope to have more close pals, I want it to be a God-thing, not something I want because they “look cool” or whatever.

– love the life God has given me: pair this with the “stop looking at other people’s’ lives and comparing them to mine” goal. Because I constantly feel sorry for myself and kinda salty towards other people on social media that have a ton of friends and seem like they have great, happy lives. And I’ve gotta stop doing that.

– pray deeper: yes, God answers prayers. And yes, faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains. But I want to connect with God deeper in prayer. Prayer is the key, right?!

– continue to go to exercise classes: also something I’ve been doing consistently in the past month (except Spring Break because, Spring Break…), and hope to continue doing (hope…)

Daily Prayer: For wisdom, love towards others and myself, and greater confidence/faith in God, and also confidence in myself <3

Well, that’s it! I know this was somewhat generalized, but I just wanted to make it quick (I know, this wasn’t even a quick read…), and yeah. Don;t forget to leave your April Goals down below! I’ll talk to you soon, friends!

Craving the Rain

It all started one Friday evening. I was at a girls’ Bible Study that I usually go to. We went a bit off topic to talk about the rain that had fallen the night before.

I smiled, pretending to know what they were talking about, but in my head I was thinking, “what rain?”

I continued to listen as one of the girls tried to explain what the rain sounded like. “It sounded like chariots,” she said. “It sounded like God.” Another girl talked about how she couldn’t even sleep because it was so amazing.

Meanwhile, I sat by them, unsure of what they were talking about because the night before, you guessed it. I was out.

Out as in fast (fast, fast) asleep. I didn’t hear a thing. And in a way, it made me kinda disappointed. My Mom tried to reassure me by saying that I was tired and that I needed the sleep, but I couldn’t help feeling some type of way.

As I walked back to my room after the meeting, I continued to think about it. And something clicked inside me. Could it be that I didn’t hear the rain because I’m not as in-tune to God as I need to be? It really had me thinking, and I eventually came to the conclusion that that was the exact reason.

Now, maybe it wasn’t and maybe I did, in fact, just need the sleep. But this “realization” made me hungry for something. The Rain.

I’ve never been a rain person. While it is a little bit calming, I just hate seeing it so dark and gloomy outside. Not to mention poor wi-fi connection. But lately, I’ve been wanting it to rain. I want to hear the chariots. I want to hear God.

Yesterday it rained, and thinking about it now, it didn’t sound like rain. Like at all. I was at the kitchen sink, washing my plate. When I heard it, I got a little scared, and my first instinct was to drop the plate, run to my room and shut the door behind me. But I heard something (God) telling me to stay. Don’t be afraid. I stayed and instantly felt peace. I finished washing my plate, dried it, put it back in the cabinet, and walked back to my room, like a completely sane person.

Although I never directly prayed it, God saw my desire for Him, and He brought it in the form of supernatural-sounding rain. That moment was pretty special because the storm brought peace. I feel like someone needs to hear that. The season you’re going through right now, even if it’s not-so-good, can and will bring peace. But only if you let it.

Till next time,